Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
