I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
