No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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