Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize