Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
