fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
