i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
