I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
