I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
