it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just tell him i said nine months
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
