9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
