You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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