pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
