so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
