My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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