smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
