were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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