her vagine was all disorganized.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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