but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
