i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
