i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
