Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
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went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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