Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
