i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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