she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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