Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
