Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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