let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
