Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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