I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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