You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
