Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
