thus making me awesome and them whores
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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