I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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