i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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