I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
