We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
