I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Text me some of your sweat
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