Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
