I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
