lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
