and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
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