before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
