Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
