dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
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I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
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And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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