need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
