How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
