I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize