he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
