how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
