I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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