I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My vagina is officially offended.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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