Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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