i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
