hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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