I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
