Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
