my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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