i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
