cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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