i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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