She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
