Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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