Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize