I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
