Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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