Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
